Making Time

Making Time

For about a month, I’ve been working on tying down a new routine to keep me sane. I also want to make the most of my time. I’m literally living in my prime and don’t want to see this year wasted.

I’ve made big improvements but I’m still struggling at times. Since I work 60ish hours a week, the time I have to myself is limited. This is also the reason for my inconsistencies in blogging. Evenings are usually when I do majority of of preparation.

First small step: I decided to push up my bedtime and wake up earlier

Currently my adjusted schedule is as follows:

6:00-6:30 - Wake up, check my Bible app , journal, check emails , get ready

7:00-4:30 Work

4:30 commute in prayer and good jams to second job. My car is where I wind down and pretend I’m Mariah Carey in ‘96. If I’m not commuting to work, I’m commuting home. During my home commute I have the goal of having a phone conversation with someone. Most times it’s someone I haven’t spoken to in a while. I spend 20-40ish minutes catching up and checking in with loved ones.

One of my biggest goals this year is focusing on being intentional in all of my relationships. Relationships are nothing without communication. I can’t be upset if no one reaches out to me, if I don’t reach out to them.

5:30 either I’m at home or arriving to work. On my off days my goal is to eventually convert this time into gym time.

On my work days, I get home around 9:30. Here I’ll have a small meal, and wind down time. 

I try to be in bed by 11/11:15. I start praying around 10:30.

I may turn on a podcast but I try to spend that time in silence, no noise , no phone, no jams , just me and my notebook.

I’ve found it extremely freeing to journal my day at the end of it. I can express all of my thoughts and go to sleep at peace.

Lastly I’ve started managing my time better by making use of this expensive ass Erin Condren planner that I purchased for the new year and utilize the calendar in my phone. Small steps but I’m making progress.

How do you organize your time ?

Bianca
Tuesday’s with Jesus

“Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭HCSB‬‬


It’s Tuesday my friend.

I’m here clinging to my faith.

Sunday was an adventure.

I started the day in an uplifting adventure that attempted to turn into a downward spiral. 

I was met with unexpected news and almost drowned myself out in my emotions.

Before I could even step into the ring of pity, my sister reminded me that we serve a God that is victorious and faithful. 

Just as we have faith in Him, He has faith in us to be who He has created us to be. 

I can’t help but do anything except worship in this season. 

So much is moving, and I could easily be swayed and discouraged.

However, I know God as Abba (Father) the healer and redeemer.

From what I know about Him, I’ll stand firm in this faith that I have.

God has yet to fail me, and He won’t. 


Side note: Last week , I mentioned that I was changing the way I’m doing my bible studies.   The question I’ve been tackling is, Who is God as the Potter? Whew Chile, I’m on a roller coaster. I’ll share some of those notes with you as I wrap up that study in the future. 

Also, Housefires just released Housefires V and it’s amazing. I love all of their albums. They’re my favorite worship collective. Hopefully I’ll be able to be present for Housefires VI or VII one day. 

As my pastor always ends the day ,

May the Lord bless you and keep you 🥰

Bianca
The Power In a Name

What do you answer to? What do you do?

A name says a lot about who we are. It defines us. If someone says do you know Bianca ? They are specifically asking about me. What do you know about me? Who am I to you?  Earlier today I read through an email that was talking about the commas after your name.
For instance I am Ashley Bianca, BSW, M.A, author. 

The comma allows us to define the different roles that we have. It says we are more than the aforementioned. I believe in the power of speaking to your situation, so after reading this I made a list of all of the things that I am (and most importantly want to be)

While doing this exercise I was reminded of the book The Power of God’s Names by Tony Evans. The book goes through a few of God’s aliases and what they mean.Just as God has many titles, so do we. We are friend, lover, enemy, daughter, son, wife, husband, co-worker, engineer, PhD, Dr, mechanic, salesman, etc. Not only do we have titles , but our names mean different things to different people!

Today I’m making this simple: Who are you and who do you want to be?

Bianca
Tuesday’s with Jesus

I’m currently sitting on a plan, soaking up all I can before I return to my everyday life in a few hours.  

I’m revamping my course of personal bible study. I’m studying from  the perspective of finding answers to my questions instead of reading and then asking.

 Aside from making my questions, this Tuesday my focus is on worship. 

As I’m digging through the book of Lamentations my focus resifted to something my pastor once said. (Paraphrasing)Our breakthroughs and purpose is tied to our worship. Our level of worship defines how we view and communicate with God in the season. Things may not be as you imagine but worship renews our faith that God is moving on our behalf.

I’ve made an Ep length playlist of my current worship favorites for you to check out. 

New Life - John P. Kee

Potter & Friend - Dante Bowie 

You Know My Name - Tasha Cobbs Leonard

You’re Welcome - Psalmist Raine

Press in Your Presence - Shana Wilson Williams

This Love-Housefires 

Bianca
The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

That was today

I slightly contemplated jail

then I remembered how hard I worked to get out of my angry space

I’ve been praying to have more grace and mercy for people

Today was a prime example of how I needed it for myself

Nothing in today’s standard was perfect

I was pissed for a good 4ish hours

It was the snowball effect

1 thing after another

It reminded me of TQs song Daily (early ‘00s throwback about a terrible day, also a bop)

I tried to pray it out

talk it out

And I still felt so frustrated and trampled

So I sat

And realized that I probably won’t remember this day next week

Then some more stuff happened

And my soul got so wearied that I just stopped.

I stopped

Let time do whatever the hell it wanted to do and said

Fuck It.

My anxiety was through the roof.

I was over here hoping someone would excuse my mistakes.

Yet I wouldn’t let myself live it down.

Mistakes are common.

Everybody makes them.

No use in beating yourself up about it

It’s done.

Find correction and move on.

Tomorrow has to be better.

BiancaComment
Soundtrack

If you could have a 10 track soundtrack to your life, what would be on it? Any original tunes? If I listened to it what would I gather about you? I’ve been flipping through my list for many months now. Actually Ive created a multi disc album broken down into Acts. However, I’ve broken down the list into 10 songs that would sum me up to a stranger:

 

1. Video Girl - India Arie

2. XO - John Mayer version  

3. Say a Little Prayer - Lianne LaHavas

4. Sunshine - BiBi Bourelly

5. Reckless Love -  Upperroom

6. Sweet Victory - Trip Lee

7. Just Because - Anita Baker

8. Sending My Love - Zhane

9.  Ultralight Beam - Kanye & Friends

10. New Apartment - Ari Lennox

 

BiancaComment
God...The Friend

One of my goals in this blog is to be transparent about my faith, or lack thereof. More importantly the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Picture this,

Spring 2017.

6am.

Your girl is tired. Im sitting in bed doing homework before my internship. I quit my job to finish my master’s the previous summer. I’m at an internship doing 40+ hours a week as well as doing 13 hr class load. My professor hates me. My original clinical supervisor left and now I have this woman who I feel is working against me. Im writting atleast 2 7-15 page papers a day. Im living on loans. Im losing “friends”. I lost a aunt and uncle unexpectedly. Im in my prayer closet petitioning for a breakthrough and Im tide. I couldn’t muster a cry. Your body ever ached so bad to let out a good cry and your couldn’t? I was faking the hell out of my life. Only two people knew I truly regretted sitting in this moment. Everyone was right, I lost my mind (or so I thought).

I get a phone call from my angel friend Sabrina (The woman works my nerves, but I love her. The connection we have with eachother is unexplainable). It’s outside of our 4am prayer calls. Im so annoyed. I have 30 minutes to finish my homework before I have to get up and head out the door. My mind is drawing a blank. Im like “girl I dont wanna pray with you”. This woman starts crying. So Im even more annoyed. My friends know I generally dont do emotions well. Im like Cesar in that black ink crew meme where he stares at Sky while she cries her eyes out.. “What you want from me?”

Ill never forget what she said.

She asks me what’s wrong and I reply nothing. She asks me again and demand that I stop lying. Part of me is like of stfu, but I know God snitched on me. So I’m sitting there stale face talking bout Im fine. (Chile I was far from fine). She huffs and puffs. I can feel her rolling her eyes through the phone. Ever so rudely she says “God says Thank you for all the people who’ve never said it. Stop looking for it, He is your Thank You. He’s your I love you. He’s saying it for them because they can’t. It’s okay.”

In that moment I found out who God was as a friend. I rolled my eyes and said Bye Sabrina. Im that rude. My friend is ministering to me at 6am and I hang up. I hang up in my pride. Too prideful to say Im failing and I need help. I sat there and I cried for 30 minutes. Her words broke the flood gates of my soul. Before I realized it, it was time for me to go. My homework wasn’t done, I was now bright red (sidebar: When I cry I become florescent red like Rudolph’s nose). I didn’t care. I was relived.

Why was I relieved?

Because God saw me. He heard me. I knew that everything would be okay. All of my problems were yet to have tangible solutions,, but I had a Friend who was there. There's more to this morning, but Im going to stop the story here.

God uses the people and things we’re least expecting to give us what we need. Surely I didnt wan’t Sabrina in my business at 6am, and she didnt want to be there. God’s timing is perfect. What we need is not always what we want. What we want isn’t always what we need. God knows. He’s sees. He grieves with us and most importantly He loves.

BiancaComment