From The Archives: June 7, 2016
I decided to post this From The Archives because it illustrates a broken point in my life a little over a year ago where I wasn't certain what was going on. My faith was low and so was my patience. While strolling through the Archives, I struggled with why I chose to post this in the first place. I did it because this is what life looks like for so many of us who struggle. but there is a brighter day ahead. I didnt see that day back then, but Im living in it now...
I’ve have never been so stressed as I have in these past three weeks. I have been tested and pulled and tugged. I resigned from my job. I left my security. Im doing school full-time again. I still have bills. I’ve been swayed every which way. I’ve called my classmates everything but children of God. I’ve been finding comfort in my wine and other temporary joys. Ive been lost and that is a pure fact.
I’ve been the lukewarm christian. I havent been to church in a month. I stopped praying. I’ve hardened my heart to the poor. Ive been full of sorrow and weeping. I have essentially relived the catastrophe that was December. I’ve called on the name of the Lord and gave up hope. I’ve been miserable. I’ve abandoned what the Lord told me to do. I have been awful. Yet everyday the Lord has awoken me with joy in my heart. I’ve been joyous because his grace keeps renewing me because he has faith that I am better than this. He has faith in me. I’ve been too weak spiritually, mentally and physically to pray for myself. I would like to thank my friends for interceding on my behalf. I’ve been trying to get back on the right path. I asked the lord to send me a word. This is what I received and have found to be true “I say to the Lord, apart from you I have no good thing” Psalm 16:2 (NIV).
The Lord is the epicenter of all we will ever need. He is our comforter, our provider, our father, or reedeemer. He does not have many names because he wants to be flashy. He is Eloheim, El Shaddai, and Jehovah Jireh. He is more than we can comprehend. He has the power to open doors no man can shut. He has the power to make our enemies prepare a feast before us. We are his annointed. Everything we have is his. WE ARE HIS. All good things come from him. All of our strength and trial comes from him. I may still be wearied and tired, but I trust in the Lord. I trust in his process. I trust that He will renew my soul.