Your Gift Is Not For You

From the Archives: January 18, 2015

Last night I had to have a heart to heart with one of my sisters in christ. I have been having some sturggles with obedience and fear. We were discussing how the one thing I didnt want to talk about was how God is going to use me. I asked “Why can’t he pick something else?”. Let me tell you, she got me ALL THE WAY TOGETHER.

The thing that you are running from, that the enemy is using against you…God will take it and turn it into a strength. He will take it and use you to speak to those who dont know Christ. Christ did not come for the righteous but the sinners (Luke 5:32). He will use you and your sin to get to the sinners. The lord is going to take what the church sees as unconventional rachetness and use it for His good.

I’ve been trying to run and hide from my ministry and my gifts. Abba will drag you out of hiding and place you in the forefront. My friend broke it down to me like this: The thing that I am struggling with is not about me. It never has been. Its about how the testimony of this struggle is going to help save someone else. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood but principalities, spiritual wickedness in high and low places (Eph. 6:12 paraphrased). I had to lay and ponder.

Eventually I realized that she was right. As much as I didn’t want to hear what she was saying, I had to take a step back and unharden my heart. The devil didnt want me to hear and understand the words of encouragement. He doesnt want me to progress in this walk with christ because he knows what is in me. He wants me to cower under the thing I dont want to talk about. All the while Ive been fighting with God to throw it back in the closet, Ive been going against my own team. God was saying “let me take this from you so he’s not holding it over you anymore. All the shame and guilt and discontentment let me take that too.“

Now Im wondering if a battle that was only meant to take a few months, had to detour and take a year. I pray everyday that God uses me and lets his will be done, but (as another one of my sisters in christ likes to say) Im being a passenger seat driver to the man with the map. I asked God to use “anything but that” and “go anywhere but that way” and he said “Nah, Im taking this exit”. I had to ask myself what I asked you yesterday…Are you trusting God ? You say it…but are your actions showing that you trust him? Let the lord use you and all your baggage for your good and someone else’s too.

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