"Bag lady you gon hurt yo back, draggin all them bags like that, I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold onto is you, "- Badu
I spent the second half of 2017 roaming the earth, living like a nomad. Completely out of my comfort zone. Moving has been one of my worst nightmares. There's really no procedure in place when you wake up one morning and The Lord tells you that you need to move. For months he'd been telling me that I needed to pack and get myself together. I'd been packing clothes, but all that other stuff that comes with umpacking. OH MY!. I had stuff on stuff on stuff. apparently I failed at my object of minimizing. I had stuff I've never seen before, stuff I hadnt seen since I left my dads house, random boxes of stuff. I started my twenties as a bag lady. Everything had a sentimental value. Everything was special. I had to keep stuff because I was going to need it one day. LOL.
I had everything I could fit into my midsize sedan and hit the road. There was no looking back, no changing my mind, no swaying me. I had no job, no real plan, and $300.00. I had enough for gas and a bite on the road. I talked to one of my friends and she offered to let me stay with her while I got myself situated in what I needed to do. Even then I became discouraged. Two of the worst hurricanes of the decade hit and I was derailed to Atlanta. I had to sit face to face for two weeks with a woman I had been trying to avoid on this trip...my aunt. I love her, she means well, but sometimes she's doesn't understand my process...which in her defense is "go with the flow". I'm aware of the many dangers ahead, but I also know The Lord is My LIGHT and SALVATION. WHOM shall I FEAR? WHOM shall I be AFRAID? I was going to tell her I moved to Texas after I got there. I was afraid she wouldnt understand so I made the choice to bypass going to see her.
I was going to run as fast as I could. God positioned me to be like Jacob. I had to face what I had been running from. I couldn't walk into my new season by running from the fears of my past seasons. It doesn't work like that. God had spent all this time preparing me for this season and I wanted to bring some baggage with me. He told me I have everything you need. Let go of all this stuff. It wasnt just the physical stuff that I had to let go. I had to minimize the mental and emotional stuff too. I ALSO HAD TO LEARN TO BE PATIENT. I HAD BEEN SO EAGER TO MOVE THAT I JUST WANTED TO BE IN TEXAS ALREADY. I KNEW THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, I JUST KEPT GETTING SIDETRACKED. MAKING A LONGER STORY SHORT: I MADE IT TO TEXAS SAFELY.
I almost broke down...well actually I did break down...a few times...I almost gave up on it all and went back to where I started from. I didnt. I stayed. I struggled with letting pieces of me go for peace. We get so comfortable in our "truths" and "feelings" that they become ingrained in our identities and we dont recognize who we are without them. This move has been humbling. I dont mean that in the "Its the nicest appropriate thing I can say" way. I mean it. I thought I had some humbling experiences before, but nothing has compared to this. In the midst of having nothing, and I mean nothing, I had everything. Everytime I needed anything, I was met with an open door. I wanted for nothing. I continue to want for nothing. For this I am grateful.